Guest Post: The Emerging Identity of Women by Marcia Reynolds

There is a new generation of women in the workplace. They grew up in the self-help era with more confidence than the women who came before them. In fact, the majority of the women at work today represent the first generation of women who were told they could accomplish anything they put their mind to.

Additionally, with the passing of Title IX in the United States in the 1970's, sports programs for girls flourished and women have now outnumbered men in college degrees. These trends can be found around the world wherever women have a chance to go to school and be active in sports. As a result, there are an increasing number of women who believe they are strong in their bodies as well as their minds. Plus, the increase in college degrees gives women more ways to be self-sufficient.

The magazine stands and self-help books do not reflect this emerging identity of women. These are not a sect of women who act like men. Today's smart, strong women have the drive like men but still have the sensitivity of women. Instead of playing it safe, they crave frequent new challenges to conquer. They love being busy and hate feeling bored. They want to be valued, respected and recognized and will work hard to deserve it. They struggle when they feel pigeon-holed, underutilized, micro-managed, slowed down, and ignored.

These women don't need to be taught assertiveness skills. They ask for what they want. Then as soon as they feel that they are being treated unfairly or with disrespect, they begin to look for another job or start planning to own their own businesses.

Many strong, smart women look at their jobs as training for when they can break out and be an entrepreneur. They don't make plans to climb one corporate ladder. Statistics that bemoan the lack of women in the boardroom do not take into account that many women are choosing another path.

The question of being a corporate executive or not is not the biggest issue on their minds. More than titles and money, they want motion and meaning. However, this desire fuels a restlessness as they constantly need to find "something more" in their lives.

Therefore, the downside is not that these women are giving up their femininity. Instead, they are giving up their peace of mind.

It is wonderful that girls are now brought up believing in their greatness. But having the goal of "being great" is as hard to define as it is to achieve. There is always "the next great thing" to master, which leaves them feeling exhausted and incomplete. I have come to call this phenomenon the "Burden of Greatness."

If you recognize the Burden in yourself, it is likely your gifts of intelligence, resourcefulness, courage and determination have also been a burden. Some days you wonder if it is all worth it. You hunger for a day of rest and long for a chance to pamper your body. You laugh when someone suggests you need life balance. The best you can do is balance your energy as you go about your busy day. You can still love your friends, your partner and your children, but you know there will always be an internal struggle about how you show your love.

There is both a light and a dark side to this emerging identity of women. It's time the books recognize this phenomenon and help these women meet their challenges while getting what they desire.

The research plus exercises for helping smart, strong women can be found in Wander Woman: How High-Achieving Women Find Contentment and Direction, by Marcia Reynolds, PsyD. Read more at www.WanderWomanBook.com.

© 2010 Marcia Reynolds

Comments

[Shikki]

I enjoyed this piece and related to it very much. I did take issue with this comment however "Today's smart, strong women have the drive like men but still have the sensitivity of women."

I don't think that drive or ambition are inherent male traits any more than sensitivity is an inherent female trait. I think these traits are a result of the ways in which we are socialized, and as we are socialized differently, we start to see that male and female lines become more blurred.

[Diane Danielson/CEO, Downtown Women's Club]

Shikki - Great comment. As someone who has been accused in the workplace (by other women) of not being "sensitive" to them, I definitely agree with you on that. I'm all for the "blurry" lines.

Diane

[Hyacinth E. Gooden-Bailey]

Sure that Ms. Reynolds' wrote a great book that will enlighten some and not be new news to others. Just a few things. In my own experience I would say that this is not just an emerging generation. I am putting out a book soon on women over 50 who have been feeling and doing what you describe for a long time. In fact our parents also told us in the 60's and before that we could be whatever we wanted to be. It just depends on what part of the world you grew up and in what community or culture. In fact where there is less or no access to the corporate world, entrepreneurship at whatever scale - low or high - is the order of the day. I agree,however, that the way through inevitable challenges for women, whether emerging self-starters or always self-starters (in the multiple roles we play) is key to finding meaning,balance and success. Even those three ideas have to be thoroughly examined. Funny that you mentioned GREATNESS because that was the topic of my last week's radio show on Blogtalkradio - Potential and Possibilities at Mid-Career and Beyond, for women.

Important book, I'd say.

[Deborah Bailey]

Sounds like a very important book, though I have to agree with the previous poster about this not being an emerging generation. My grandmother lived 100 years and 6 months and had confidence that I can only hope to achieve. My mother earned a college degree and had a fulfilling career as a manager for a non-profit it spite of the barriers she faced as a woman of color. The women who have gone before us have fought the hard fight and we shouldn't downplay their experiences. I've come as far as I have because I stand on their shoulders.

[Diane Danielson/CEO, Downtown Women's Club]

Great comments Ladies! Although I do think this recession combined with social networking is shaking up everything.

[Marcia Reynolds]

Thanks for the feedback...the title is misleading. The research group included women brought up through the sixties, so this article includes women in their fifties. And for older women, their parents or circumstances may have brought them up to be strong (my grandmother was a very strong immigrant), but it just wasn't the norm. Bringing up strong girls has become more of the norm in the past 50 years, which is wonderful, and like everything, has its downsides. I am just hoping to both honor and assist the growing numbers of smart, strong achieving women of our time.

[Diane Gaw]

Nice work, Marcia! I look forward to reading it.

I find it problematic that there are still a lot of people intimidated by women of strength, intelligence and adaptability, as well as younger women who don't seem to want to work with those of us over 50. I've often found that, if we let people see our dynamism, we may be shut out.

Still, I'm glad that my grandmother, when she was not allowed into Harvard Medical School - because she was a woman - after graduating from Mount Holyoke, went to nursing school. And that my mother was a ground-breaking teacher of those who wouldn't go on to college, starting programs that allowed her students to earn a living and raise a family. I still find it outrageous that Grandma didn't have the right to vote till she was well into her 30s.

The freedom and strength of the women in Marcia's book is a tribute to those who, quietly or not, did what they had to do for a better life.

[Rosanne Ferreri-Feske]

We still have to level the playing field for women politically to make economic gains. Will-power is insufficient to the task or we'd be there already.

American women need a Minister (or Secretary) for Women and Equalities in the White House who will ensure that women's issues remain front and center until such time as parity is fully accomplished. Large disparities in services and opportunities continue to exist in the US which cause women to be disenfranchised socially, politically and economically. The UK has had such a position since 2007.

Sign Now & Pass it On!
http://www.thepetitionsite.com/1/minister-for-women-equalities-in-usa