The Downtown Women's Club womensDISH blog

Book Review: Networkers are Connectors

I’m reviewing The Connectors: How the World’s Most Successful Businesspeople Build Relationships and Win Clients for Fife by Maribeth Kuzemeski, for two reasons:

1. I liked the idea that it’s not about “networking” but about “connecting.”   2010 is a decade where connecting and engaging will be far more important than collecting names (see my 2010 Networking Ins and Outs list).
2. The request to review this book was such a good example of PR done well that I just couldn’t say no.

But to get to the book:  The focus of The Connectors is on getting referrals. In the introduction, the author sets out her model for getting referrals.

1. Delight clients.
2. Acquire referrals.
3. Invite referrals to educational workshops.
4. Acquire clients.
5. Repeat process from No. 1.

Kuzmeski claims that it’s a simple process, but not easy.  In fact, the key to the whole system is to “delight clients.”  And you do this by truly “connecting.”   This concept especially rang true to me as we are moving out of the era of mass marketing and broadcasting to engagement and cultivation.

I enjoyed the first chapter:  The Common Denominator of Greatness and Success: It’s not money, it’s people!  I loved that it was not something I expected to be covered in a book that I assumed was going to be another standard networking book.  She sums it up as greatness is measured by “the impact we’ve made on others, by the way we’ve connected with them, touched them personally, brought them along with us and perhaps inspired their best contributions.”‘

I also like her “Connecter IQ Assessment.”  I took the test and ended up as an “Energy Connector.”  This is completely accurate.  Most people would likely assume that as the founder of a women’s networking group that I would be a Power Networker.  But an Energy Connector is someone who: “reaches out ot others, but probably not on a daily basis.  . . .  others reach out to connect with you as frequently as or more than you reach out to them.”  It goes on to talk about how I get the importance of connecting but I don’t focus on it every day.  This differs from a power connector, whose whole focus is making connections.

Continue reading review at http://topshelf.entrepreneur.com/2010/01/02/connectors-are-the-best-networkers/.

Top Book Picks for 2009 by Diane Danielson

One of our Downtown Women's Club members just tagged me on a Facebook note re: my favorite book picks for the year.  "Favorite books" is sometimes tough to decide.  However, I use this term when I find myself referring to a book or recommending it to others long after I've read it. (As opposed to a few books that I might have stayed up way to late to finish ... but a week later can't remember the name or author.)

This year there were seven books that met this standard.  So, just in case you are looking for last minute gifts or something to read in the airport next week, here you go:

Fiction Picks:

The Elegance of the Hedgehog by Muriel Barbary.  Set in Paris, this book won numerous awards in France.  It follows the lives of a "prickly" concierge and a handful of tenants in her building. Definitely for the "literary-minded".  I liken it to almost a modern-day Jane Austen novel.  Click here for my full review. 

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Steig Larrson (and the two sequels).  Set in Sweden, this smart "who dunnit" trilogy follows a journalist and a computer whiz kid through several adventures which expose corrupt public officials, sex trafficking, abuse and instances of extreme brutality against women.  

Non-Fiction Business Picks:

Trust Agents by Chris Brogan and Julien Smith.  Of all the social media books, this was the best for both "newbies" as well as the more experienced social media user.  Click here for my full review.

The Facebook Era by Clara Shih - Still think Facebook is for kids or a fad?  This was one of the first books to look at business marketing on Facebook and give some insight to the future of Facebook in a business context. Click here to read my full review.

Twitterville by Shel Israel.  For anyone who can't see the point of Twitter, this is an engaging read about the founding of the company as well as providing concrete examples of the many ways companies are using Twitter to improve their customer service, marketing research and bottom line. Click here to read my full review.

Non-Fiction Miscellaneous Picks:

The Blind Side by Michael Lewis.  This is the book that launched the movie and possibly Sandra Bullock's best shot at an Oscar.  I haven't seen the movie yet, but what I liked best about the book were the chapters on the evolution of football as a business.  It gave me a whole new appreciation for the game.  Click here for my full review.

Bad Mother by Ayalet Waldman.  For any mom who has ever felt like a total failure for not living up to some ridiculous standard of motherhood perfection, this book is a nice dopeslap to the head to remind you that it's ok to sometimes drop the ball ... the world (and your kids) won't be irreparably damaged.  Click here for my full review.

Do you have your own book recommendations for 2007?  Please share them below!

Book Review: Getting Super-Freaky with SuperFreakonomics

She's a very kinky girl ... the kind you don't bring home to mother ...

Couldn't help myself. That's the tune that comes to mind every time I look at the cover of Super Freakonomics: Global Cooling, Patriotic Prostitutes and Why Suicide Bombers Should Buy Life Insurance by Steven D. Levitt and Stephen J. Dubner.

She will never let your spirits down ... once you get her off the streets ... yow!

And, in fact, that tune was quite apropos, as the most interesting part of the book was the economics behind prostitution. But more about that in a minute. While I found the authors' first book, Freakonomics, extremely thought-provoking, this one didn't quite rise to that level. However, it was interesting, and I had a few, "hmmm" moments, despite the fact that some of it felt like I'd read it before. But some of it was really fascinating, such as the section on the economics of prostitution (and no . . . not thinking about giving up my day job).

Re: prostitution. It's an interesting look at how, if we want to eliminate it, we need to take away the financial incentive AND put the Johns in jail and not poor Jane, who is just trying to make a living. Yet that's not how we're approaching the problem. While reading this part, I couldn't help but think about the movie Hustle & Flow ...

You know it's hard out here for a pimp

When he tryin to get this money for the rent

For the Cadillacs and gas money spent

Because a whole lot of bitches talkin' sh*t 

But enough about that . . . on to global warming. The one big concept with regard to global warming was contained in the statement on page 11: "But Humankind has a great capacity for finding technological solutions to seemingly intractable problems, and this will likely be the case for global warming." The authors provide historical examples where we were facing what seemed like insurmountable issues but where we managed to find technological solutions. They even go on to talk about some of the potential solutions in the works that could cost less/be more effective than the Al Gore model.

To continue reading this review, please visit http://topshelf.entrepreneur.com/2009/11/24/super-freakonomics/.

Are you duplicating your personal life patterns in the office?

Recently I had a chance to peruse the latest book by Karen Salmansohn, Prince Harming Syndrome: Break Bad Relationship Patterns for Good – 5 essentials for Finding True Love (and they’re not what you think!). The thought that struck me while reading this was whether people could be attracted to equally bad relationships in the office. I’m not talking intimate relationships here, but your basic colleague to colleague, boss to employee relationships.

Salmansohn breaks down relationships into three kinds – only one of which brings true happiness.

1. Relationships of pleasure.  These are ones that are all about pleasures or ego.
2. Relationships of utility.  These are ones you spend time with in hopes of garnering status, fame, power, glory.
3. Relationships of shared virtue.  These are ones who stimulate you, challenge you, inspire you, root for you to grow into your highest potential.

She claims only the last one has the potential for finding a soulmate who is right for you.  However, looking at this list my first thought was , hey … doesn’t the shared virtue one sound like the type of relationship you would like to have with your boss or colleague?  Yet, don’t we sometimes find ourselves in the other types of office relationships?

How can you avoid a toxic relationship in the office?  Salmansohn includes a list of traits quoted in a New York Times article about the psychology of evil. Apparently, psychopaths share the following traits:

• Glibness
• Extreme Charisma
• Need to always be doing something
• Feelings of high self-worth
• Pathological lying
• Proneness to boredom
• Emotional unavailability.

This list struck her because it described an ex-boyfriend (a/k/a Prince Harming).  Hmmmm. We can all probably think back to office colleagues who share these same traits.   And, while they might not be full-fledged psychopaths, they were definitely on the “need to avoid” list. Unfortunately, as Karen did in her relationship, she didn't realize this until the relationship had ended.

What I really felt could be useful in the office, especially when it comes to a boss/employee or mentor/mentee relationship was her list of five traits to seek in a relationship:

1. Does he/she want to be in a committed relationship?
2. Does he/she value growing as a person?
3. Does he/she understand that a relationship is not just about immediate pleasure, but about growth?
4. Does he/she make you feel safe in the relationship to be your fullest potential?
5. Is he/she happy?

These are clearly traits we would want in a boss or mentor.  We’ve all had bad experiences working for a boss who had one foot out the door all the time (always looking to transfer out of the department or even the company); or who seemed to always want you to fail or stay put in your current position.  Then, of course, there are the Devil Wears Prada type bosses who rule by fear and their own unhappiness.  So these are all good traits to consider when you are looking for a mentor or a new job.

Just imagine the potential if you could have personal and professional relationships that were positive influences in your life!

Salmansohn’s book is a great primer for anyone looking to stop their own bad relationship karma.  While it focuses on dating/marriage, the lessons could apply to any relationships within your life.  Catch Karen live at our Downtown Women’s Club event in Manhattan at Kathlin Argiro studio on October 28.  Click here for more details.

Book Review: Keith Ferrazzi has your back

Book Review reprinted with permission from Entrepreneur.com's Top Shelf Reviews.

When Keith Ferrazzi's book Never Eat Alone came out in 2005, I read it and chose not to review it. To me, it was nothing more than a lot of name-dropping by someone (a major extrovert) who wanted to run his life as a nonstop BNI meeting. Not that there is anything wrong with that. But for 99 percent of the rest of the world, even if we wanted to, we couldn't follow his recommendations due to introverted personalities, family obligations, and the fact that many of us startup entrepreneurs needed to focus on the day-to-day operations and sleep more than three or four hours per night.

However, I have a very different take on Ferrazzi's new book, Who's Got Your Back: The Breakthrough Program to Build Deep, Trusting Relationships That Create Success --and Won't Let You Fail. This is the book I wish he had written back then. The difference between the two? In the first book, Ferrazzi taught people "how to mingle," not "how to network." In his new book, amid many mea culpas for the first book (an honorable approach that completely changed my view of Mr. Ferrazzi), he focuses on building relationships rather than building a Rolodex.

Some of my favorite sections from the book include the following:

He notes that the secret to getting into the "club" (e.g., any group of top executives who all do business with one another) is "[caring] about other people's success rather than just your own. It was a skill that business schools and too many people overlooked."

I liked the model he used for this book of Jean Nidetch, the founder of Weight Watchers, building support systems to accomplish goals. "Exceptional achievement in work and life is a peer-to-peer collaborative process." Much of the beginning is very personal and talks about how, to the outside world, Ferrazzi seemed to be living the high life always surrounded by adoring fans and colleagues, yet he felt isolated and alone, and his company wasn't making the progress it should have been making.

At their essence, my problems weren’t just business problems. For so many of the daily and strategic issues that a company faces, I relied on the world-class network I had put together, using the insights and guidelines I described in Never Eat Alone. I could turn to any number of clients, lawyers, bankers, vendors, or board members in my network for specific advice. But the help they could give me was relegated to a call here or a coffee there – dribs and drabs. I didn’t have anyone in my life whom I could turn to at any time for a completely candid, no-holds-barred discussion of what was really going on in my life and my business.

My favorite line in the whole book was shortly thereafter where Peter Guber tells him that he needs to be more "elegant," and then explains that he wasn’t talking about Ferrazzi’s appearance but rather "elegance of purpose and activity."

". . . elegance is the art of exerting the minimum amount of effort for the maximum effect, the maximum amount of power and achievement in our life. . . . [Keith] you're one of the smartest people I know, but you're working so frenetically."

Click here to continue reading this review.

Book Review: What if Jane Austen was on Facebook?

A couple of years ago, my co-author Lindsey Pollak and I were struggling with how to write an engaging "how to online network" book.  Then we pondered:  what would Jane Austen do if she were a blogger?  The result:  The Savvy Gal's Guide to Online Networking (or What Would Jane Austen Do?). 

This is why when I heard about the book Ophelia Joined the Group Maidens Who Don't Float: Classic Lit Signs on to Facebook by Sarah Schmelling, I just had to get my hands on it.  Classic Lit + Social Media = Witty Fun!

Now, I took a bit of heat from some Jane Austen "purists" about how disgraceful it was to write a tech book with references to JA.  (Although, those with a sense of humor seemed to enjoy it!).  Nevertheless, my view is:  If we have to put JA into a "how to" tech book to get women to sign on and start using social networks, then bastardize classic lit we must!  And, if you can do it and have some fun, you should go for it.  This is exactly what Schmelling does in her hilarious book.

Schmelling takes classic literature characters and transports them into the modern world by imaging what they would do if handed a computer and access to Facebook.  She creates profiles, pages, news feeds, and has them interact with each other.   For the non-Facebook friendly, the title is a play off the fact that people who join Facebook usually join groups of like minded folks. Poor Ophelia of Hamlet fame would have been relegated to joining the groups of "Maidens who Don't Float;" not to be confused with the group "Men Who Float But Are Still Not Impervious to Bullets" which can count Jay Gatsby among its members.

Some of the sections worked better than others (meaning LOL funny).  What I found the most clever were generally:

• Those sections involving literature that I knew really well (Pride & Prejudice, Great Expectations, Jane Eyre, Anna Karenina, Gatsby, Lolita, Little Women); and
• Those that lent themselves to the genre (i.e. Romeo & Juliet due to the fact that they are teenagers; Lord of the Flies re: having a reunion; Ernest Hemingway and F. Scott Fitzgerald unfriending each other; and Mark Twain and Oscar Wilde trading "quips").

If you love literature and are familiar with Facebook, this is a great way to revisit the classics in a whole new light and have a few laughs along the way! Who can resist a chapter titled:  "Elizabeth threw a sheep at Mr. Darcy: The Love and Other Difficulties Network."   I couldn't.

Diane K. Danielson is the CEO of the Downtown Women's Clubs and the author of The Downtown Women's Club Beginner's Guide to Facebook.

Summer reading pick: The Elegance of the Hedgehog

I'm breaking ranks in honor of summer, as reading business books all the time can be limiting even for devout entrepreneurs. This is why I'm reviewing a piece of fiction: Even 24/7/365 business types need to step outside of their bubble once in a while in order to stay fresh, relevant and innovative. I'm also doing this because The Elegance of the Hedgehog was, hands down, the absolute best piece of fiction I have accidentally stumbled upon since The Time Traveler's Wife. Admittedly, some of the appreciation might have been encouraged by the fact that I read half of the book while sitting on the Promenade des Anglaise in Nice, waiting to pick up someone at the airport.

The Elegance of the Hedgehog by Muriel Barbery was one of France's best sellers and the winner of at least four major French book awards. So, no, it has not been endorsed by Oprah and, as such, will likely remain on the "critics and employees" recommended picks section. Nor does it have the annoying "Book club questions" at the back of the book. However, if you are looking for something weightier than chick lit, Harry Potter or the Twilight series, and something more akin to what you would read in a college literature course, you might want to check this out.

The plot involves a French concierge of the lower class who hides her intelligence from the well-to-do residents at No. 7, rue de Grenelle, Paris. As such, it is like a French film where it's more about settings and dialogue than action. What makes the novel soar is the sublime descriptions of human nature both from the concierge and a young intellectual girl who resides in the building as well as the new Japanese resident who brings them all together. Hmmm.  Now that I write that, I realize that there are some similarities to books by my favorite, Jane Austen.

Click here to continue reading this review on my entrepreneur blog ... I know, it has nothing to do with entrepreneurs, but since that's my book review blog ... I decided to take a break from the biz books.

Diane K. Danielson
ceo, Downtown Women's Club

The Sassy Ladies Toolkit for Start-up Business: A Must Read

The new book, The Sassy Ladies Toolkit for Start-up Businesses, is must read for women entrepreneurs across the country interested in staring a business and doing it the right way.  This fun, informative and inspirational book takes the reader on a journey from dreaming about a business to making it a profitable reality.  The book is written in a conversational, down-to-earth style making the reader feel as if The Sassy Ladies are sitting with you, coaching and encouraging you every step of the way.

While the book is only 120 pages, it is jam packed with resources and links to websites, books and tools to support you in your entrepreneurial endeavor.  The Sassy Ladies have an online club that ties in with the book and provides more in-depth learning in six key areas.  These include marketing, sales and revenue, office environment, strategic planning, networking, time management, financial management and self development. 

Who are the Sassy Ladies?  Michelle Girasole, Wendy Hanson and Miriam Perry are wonderfully diverse and talented women who have been there and done that when it comes to small business.  Michelle’s technical expertise is sprinkled throughout the chapters and most helpful in Chapter 4, Working from Home in a section called Technology to the Rescue.  Wendy is an experienced business coach who takes complex business concepts like developing a business plan and pricing your products and breaks it down into bite size pieces for the reader. Miriam is a writer and communication specialist who offers her insights into how to effectively market your product or service to the world.  This talented trio will empower you to get in touch with your sassy side and inspire you to build the business of your dreams.

 

The biggest surprise in reading the book was how helpful it was for me, an entrepreneur with 15 years of experience in small business.  While the concepts of starting with the end vision in mind, profitability, sustainability and marketing were familiar to me, the easy to read, practical approach and end of the chapter exercises provided new ideas for taking my existing business to the next level.

 

If you are thinking about starting a business or want to take your current one to the next level, The Sassy Ladies Toolkit for Start-up Businesses is a great investment and  must read.   

 

 

Kathleen Burns Kingsbury is an accomplished national speaker, international author and sought after money coach in a unique position to empower business women to “talk to their money” and attain financial freedom.   She is also the incoming Co-Director of the Boston DWC.

Do family patterns limit your success?

This month's DWC Indicator article is written by Sylvia Lafair, author of Don't Bring It to Work: Breaking The Family Patterns That Limit Success (Jossey-Bass, March 3, 2009)

 

I'm certain you've all had the experience of looking in the mirror and recognizing you have your father's chin or grandmother's blue eyes. We also inherit our ancestors' ways of thinking and behaving. Thus, our decisions are less totally "ours" than they are a collection of threads from our family tapestry. Thanks to advances in neuroscience we know that unconscious emotions occupy a different region of the brain than conscious perceptions and exert a powerful influence on our actions. The trigger is usually stress!

 

When a co-worker tries to one-up and makes you feel stupid, suddenly you are responding to your older brother who always put you down. When your boss demands that costs be cut, suddenly he is your single mom who could never make ends meet. Reactions happen in milliseconds. As the internal anxiety gauge goes up your ability to respond in a mature manner goes down. I am seeing more and more fear, anger, and defensiveness in offices as the current economy puts stress at a recent all time high.

 

Awareness that an old pattern is activated offers options for deactivation. However, if it stays underground I can guarantee it will be reacted to beyond what is called for in the present situation.

 

In my book I identify the 13 most common patterns in the workplace. Here are three that most women understand: 

 

Super Achievers must excel at everything. Not only do they achieve every conventional measure of career success, their families also must look picture perfect. "Happiness" is not a word used by super achievers; they just say "success." They tend to step over or on anyone and breed resentment at work. The good news is: super achievers who tackle the need to be "the one" become creative collaborators who include and cooperate. They put ego needs aside realizing greatness comes from a group effort.

 

Martyrs go above and beyond what is called for. Martyrs want to be "special" by being needed. They love to suffer and do this quite well. They also use guilt and silence to get across how hard they work. When a martyr changes they become integrators and can work wonders in an organization. Integrators have an amazing ability to help people learn to share the work and everyone feels they are being treated with fairness and respect.

 

Pleasers rarely offer an opinion and say "yes" to everything. They don’t set limits, are ineffective authority figures, and want consensus rather than real solutions. Being popular is key, their mantra, "so long as you are liked you are safe." When a pleaser becomes strong enough to change they become valuable truth tellers, unafraid to stand for what they believe. Truth tellers are transparent; you always know where you are with them. They are the leaders everyone wants to hang out with and learn from.

 

The great news about this work is that with a willingness to become pattern aware you gain tools to make changes that get beyond knee-jerk survival responses so you thrive at work.

 

Learn more about Pattern Aware Leadership at www.patternaware.com or www.ceoptions.com

 

Are you a natural seller?

Do you enjoying selling your product or services?  Or would you prefer to leave the selling to professionals and just do the work that you love?  If you answered yes to the last question then you might want to check out Jim Della Volpe’s new book, Selling for the NON Professional.  The book provides a quick read complete with questions and worksheets on how to overcome obstacles to selling such as fear and doubt as well as important lesson such as persistence and handling rejections.  

 

My favorite part of the book was that you could write in it.  How many times have you purchased a big fancy text book and felt it was too expensive or too pretty to mark up with your thoughts.  No, this book was designed to write in, brainstorm with and use to determine your selling approach for the next 90 days.   At the end, Jim offers a challenge to "engage in business development" for the next 90 days.  Still have questions?  If you buy the book, you get a complimentary 10 minute consultation.

 

While I wished that Coach Jim put more of his expertise and experience into the text, it is a great start for those of you out there looking to make your own business fly with very little or no sales experience.  Check it out at by visiting Jim's website at Growing Tree Partners.  Cover artwork provided by Lois Wood.